5 Reasons I Should Sue My College

The blogosphere is abuzz with a story about the girl who’s suing her college because she’s jobless after graduation. Check out what our sister blogger at U. Got It? had to say about it:

After taking out $70,000 worth of loans in order to earn a bachelor’s degree from Monroe College, Thompson graduated this April only to find she had no job. Four months later, and the 27-year-old is still jobless, but now she’s too busy filing a lawsuit against her alma mater to bother sending out resumes.

The whole thing is hysterical to me, starting with the fact that the girl expects her alma mater to pound the pavement for her. Nothing is owed to you! College is about getting an education, not about getting you a job. Sure, career services can help — my husband actually got his first job out of school that way — but it’s up to you to do the legwork and market yourself. Of course, now that she’s made headlines, some dopey employer will offer her an opportunity that she doesn’t deserve. Even worse, imagine if she found a sympathetic judge or jury who wanted to make a statement against high college tuition? Stranger things have happened…

It got me to thinking that maybe I’m missing out on lots of lawsuit opportunities that could net me lots of cash. Here are some things I can sue my college for:

1. College was not the best four years of my life. So many people promised that it would be, but I can honestly say I liked high school better. And I enjoyed my graduate school experience even more than that. I was mislead and I demand to be paid!

2. I graduated second in my class, but companies did not come to me with job offers. Maybe that myth isn’t around much anymore (well, except in Trina’s case), but when I attended college, there was always rumors about graduates walking away with their diploma and near six-figure job offers. Recruiters would mysteriously swoop in — apparently having heard about all of the super term papers you wrote — and the next thing you’d, you’d have a corner office! Of course, this does not happen in real life. And now my college must pay me for loss of wages and mental anguish (I’m still not over the rejection!).

3. I never got to wear a toga, or throw up out of a dorm window. Just saying… More false advertising that college would be full of wild times. At the very least, someone owes me a keg. Bonus: I’m now well beyond the legal drinking age.

4. No one warned me about the Freshman 15. Sure, you all know about it now, thanks to informative articles on the Internet, but the Internet was practically new when I was a freshman. And those darn cafeteria cookies and french fries were there, luring in calorie clueless students like me. I think my college should be held responsible for my muffin top, and pay for a personal trainer and chef.

5. Textbook robbery. Why is it that after paying $100 for a new textbook, I only got $15 when I sold it back in near mint condition, yet you tried to sell me tattered and torn used books for $60? Isn’t that illegal, like ticket scalping? Or price gouging? Whatever you want to compare it it, I think I’m entitled to some of those profits.

I figure one of these can be my ticket to big bucks — which do you think is my best shot? And, hey, if you want to share some bitter college memories worth suing about, I’d love to hear them!

-Dawn Papandrea